First a bit about the artwork...
I wanted to make something for my kid for Christmas but it turned out no matter how hard I looked online there was no sewing pattern for a sweet roll. (I will generally find something before drafting my own thing if I can to save time...) I would have thought after almost 14 years at that point in time, that someone in the artistic community would have made one out of felt for a prop or cosplay or something. But nope. So here I was already drafting and testing in October of 2025 and was the first to create a sweet roll from felt.
I spent a couple weeks pattern drafting and I tested it, uploaded and documented results to build hype. As I was undergoing this journey it occurred to me, that the anniversary was incoming and soon. Then I was thinking of posting the pattern at one point because I was like, "why not make someone else happy for Christmas too?" (Not to mention the faux food fights that I can imagine being had at cosplay conventions.) Thusly the pattern and tutorial started ramping up more seriously as I took the anniversary into consideration.
On my second iteration and test, it wasn't until I was almost done making the darn thing and tutorial that I found out Bethesda sells a soft plushie. You can thank our d*mn phones for listening (AI listening to everything,) because I legitimately didn't know. I found it irritating but I'd already spent all this effort creating and hyping it, so I'm dedicated... Never even thought to look. But now I freaking want one so badly... Anyway, I just decided to keep going. My thing, I feel isn't going to hurt them. They have official collectors content and I'm just some *sshole fan artist online.
Last year, (2025) I made my deadline and I released this bad boy on various social media websites on the anniversary of Skyrim 11/11. The Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim came out back in 11/11/11. I couldn't have been maybe 21 at the time. Barely. I remember preordering the collectors edition of it for my birthday knowing I was giving myself a late birthday gift. That, and I also remember being super excited having been a long time game fan. Man, Oblivion and Morrowind hijacked my love for Zelda. I am obsessed with TES games.
Anyway, at the time I didn't realize just how significant that date was or how it would be for me in the future. I just thought they were being dumbly kitschy at the time. I grew up in a cult... So astrology and tarot were not in my deck of cards at the time. Haha, pun intended. I know I promised on my about page to stay away from politics and I know religion is intertwined here at times. So I apologize but this is a bit necessary... Especially if you're to fully appreciate the creation and work behind this.
Part of my healing journey when leaving a cult was diving into my games again, at first for comfort, then from a fresher perspective and seeing things from a newer educated lens. This meant for me diving into the occult more and not so superficially like I had in the past when looking up things online about TV shows and games... Many of our games, books, and other media as a lot of people are aware, are influenced by not just other cultures and religions, but in fact deep occult, the esoteric, and mysticism, from many religions both ancient and in some cases a bit more recent as things innovate.
Since having been born into a cult, I was brainwashed using a combination of the bible and another book we read from, (I don't want to be sued by that "church" so I'm omitting certain information here,) as well as stop thoughts, a blend of communistic and socialistic models and a weird form of capitalism and prosperity gospel injected in along with guilt and shame dynamics and various forms of abuse. When we left, after diving deeper in attempts to go all in, having grown up in it, we found things that conflicted with others, so much hypocrisy and lying. It was a giant rabbit hole that just went deeper and deeper, and we became Alice... The further we went the more we found con-artists and liars, we even found occultists and witchcraft. The very things we were told to stay away from.
Fastward forward to last year. I started sewing again in order to get out of my head and back into the present, to push out of a deep depression. 11/11/11 accidently became my doorway... You see, I had been reading and researching, reading the bible from more of an agnostic perspective, sometimes waffling into atheism, understandably so with the amount of generational damage I went through. I even started watching tarot channels on Youtube despite not being fully invested, and feeling like all religion was a farce and well...pardon my French bullsh*t.
Currently I am not sure how to feel about religion on the whole, but I respect peoples rights to their beliefs still. As I started watching tarot curiously not really linking it with my sewing, I started seeing numbers showing up consistently. 1, 11, 111, 1111, 11:11, in the forms of time, dates, in my readings, time stamps, likes on videos or comments, you name it, it was everywhere. I still hadn't put it together or linked it yet until a tarot reading this year...
With Skyrim's anniversary being 11/11 and my pattern honoring its anniversary in combination with all of that jazz above I found that I might have unlocked something subconsciously and later consciously. Is it a sign? Perhaps? But I definitely tapped into something... Currently we are going through something called the Lion's Gate. I am not entirely sure what that means, because this isn't a place I've read a lot about quite yet...
What 11 means... 11 is a master number and it is associated with:
- Awakening / Initiation
- Alignment between inner and outer worlds
- Creation through intention
- Stepping into a new identity or timeframe
In short it means something is turning on. Seeing a lot of 11's is read as I am aligned, I am paying attention, and I have crossed a threshold or a threshold moment.
11:11 Specifically, is often described as a portal, a moment when the veil is thin, and a signal to pause and notice. Meaning thoughts in that moment are potent, and my intention is amplified.
So why talk about all of this? Well because not only is it a part of my healing journey but the timing on this art piece and pattern matters in my personal journey and story. From a certain lens, these details are not random. I created and released something on 11/11 and it was tied to a game that was released on 11/11/11 and after initiating this process it increased awareness of light codes and angel numbers in new age philosophy. I unconsciously and then started to consciously activate an energetic cycle connected to creativity, identity, and expression. 11 is strongly associated with artists, messengers, and people creating something meaningful meant to reach others. So it becomes confirmation not coincidence.
This tells me I'm on the right path and to keep going even though all of my current readings are saying that cycles and things for me are ending in certain areas of my life, I'm reading that as social media like Instagram... soul sucking bad words... I need to stay conscious and continue to keep this momentum moving forward. This change, this period of time matters a lot to me. My identity was smothered as a child and teen, the cult I grew up in was a big part of that. And so I masked a lot to align with authority, and being neurodivergent I masked around others including peers because of bullying so I got the clamp down hard...
Here's a bit of woo-y fun...
- Virgo Rising - Emphasis on craft, usability, and intention
- Gemini Sun - Patterns, translation, narrative continuity and communication
- Sagittarius Moon - Meaning, truth, honoring the bigger picture or story
- INFP-T - Values-led, quiet conviction
- Fire Snake - Timing Strategy, transformation rather than noise
A new year begins, a new me... I am choosing myself, acting without permission, and creating and no longer waiting for opportunity.
In closing...
Don't chase portals, don't force manifestations, don't wait for permission or validation.
Manifesting Without Forcing. Letting Go But Also Creating Opportunity To Make It Happen.
I am an artist, I am a creative, people want to see what I create. I want to spread joy and fun, and bring value into the world. What I create brings value to people and helps me generate more ideas and in turn create more. I am an artist, I am a creative, people want to see what I create.
