Slowly Working On A Crochet Pattern... And... Other Stuff... (TW: Suicide Mentioned)

Trigger Warning: Before reading the current post below ends up talking about mental health, suicide, and bigotry. Skip if you're not comfortable. Thank you for understanding.

So momentum definitely stalled out due to financial stuff, burn out, and various other stuff, but... I think I'm doing a bit better. I'm trying not to marathon stuff. My hope is that I'll have this mini project done before Halloween. I was hoping to get a pattern out before then but we will see.

Here's a sample of what I've been working on...

I scratched out my notes to hopefully protect it from AI scraping. Also to show proof that there's a human behind this blog doing human work. I've heard of things like nightshade but I'm skeptical. Can you blame me? It feels like painting over dirt. I can't help but wonder if those tools are being used to train AI. Kind of like how virus software was supposed to protect a spring viruses but the people developing the virus software are probably the people developing the viruses... Cynical much. Probably...

Last week after posting online in my excitement to show off my sourdough it molded! Sad face. Anyways, I'll be trying again on Sunday. I started on Sunday last time. Seems like a good way to start on a calendar cycle. As they say, if at first you don't succeed... Try, try, again...

The above project is being tested and written currently using scrap yardage. What was left over from a project I did for someone else. I definitely would like to get some different yarn to make it a bit more realistic. I'm hoping to mimic muscle more in coloration. There's definitely things I want to change in this. I would like to test out a few different things in the arota and and other vessels shaping wise. As well all know the more you frog the less pretty the yarn is due to wear and tear.

A little while back. I finally got my felt. I was able to save for it but because I was and am still suffering from constant burn out. That was set off to the side until I could get some things done around the apartment. I'm overwhelmed and overloaded all the time... It's gotten worse as I've gotten older. I don't understand how people can't see ADHD/ADHD as not being debilitating. Even in my hobbies. It prevents a lot from being done not just work. Everyone assumes we're lazy and want to play... Ugh. So over that stigma. (No I'm not a late diagnosed adhder. I was dx'd at 5 for those that haven't read the blog or don't know me. Male presenting symptoms as a child.) And I'm rambling... Lol

This one here is technically finished...

But I've not updated photos or transfered notes to my computer or to PDF yet. It's supposed to be a tankard. I plan on also making a separate filled version. 

My Dwarven bowl version 2 is also finished but I misplaced my notes during summer inspection and cleaning. I might have an idea but I'll be digging through a bunch of paper. Lol omg... Doom piles! 

I think I partially lost the desire to post this one up though. Especially after uploading 4 patterns for sale on my kofi earlier this year and making no sales. For a while there I tried advertising them without pay services. Posting at various places and showcasing them. I'm avoiding Etsy because it's nothing but AI slop now. That and Etsy isn't what it used to be from my understanding. It doesn't protect buyers or sellers. Which is poor business practice. 

My patterns aren't posted on Ravelry, not because I don't want to support it. But because I don't understand enough of how that service works to test it out confidently. Yes I've read the forums and the faq. I'm debating on whether or not to just repost my pay patterns free. I hesitate because they take months of work and testing and effort to make. 

The current climate online makes it so difficult to be seen. I'm not only competing with my fellow artists which is definitely preferable and honest. But now we have to compete with AI slop and general slop content, rage bait, and everyone's dog, cat, or 'karen' post. I dislike that slur. My cousin in law took her life because of it. Imagine being the opposite of a 'karen' and having your name turned into a slur. She had thousands of people looking for her before she was found dead in her car. She was active in the community and did a lot of volunteer, crisis management, and other work that helped those less fortunate. She didn't do it for politics and elbow rubbing or ladder climbing. She act did it because she believed in the things she was taught growing up. That's what makes this new dystopian world hurt so much. I feel like we lost our humanity...

So if I had a wish...and sorry to leave on a drab note. Can we leave the mean-spirited bullshit behind in the coming years? No more bigotry or slurs... No more hostility. We're all soul crushingly tired. Everyone deserves better. Don't let the media or the algorithm trick you into hardening your heart up. Some jerk in power out there wants it. If you're reading this. Check on your family, neighbors, and community. I hope you see better times, and I wish you good health, happiness, and a prosperous future.